such sweet sorrow novel

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Sweet Birthdays and “Fake” remake

Published January 3, 2012 by ladyserenity92

“Happy birthday, it’s your stupid birthday! Happy birthday, boy, you’re really old”!

I’ve got that song from a cartoon back in the 90s. It’s become a favorite of mine to sing on someone’s birthday. It’s the next birthday song. I decided to use it as part of the story. I’ve written 217 pages in over nine years. My first novel. I get to re-edit my ‘first’ novel!

Whoo Hoo!

So far for a live action remake of Sanami matoh’s Fake, there’s no word yet if Sanami-Sensei’s gonna give a thumbs-up to a remake of her graphic novel. Dee ripping Ryo’s clothes off and setting the bedroom aflame; there’s a fight between G vs E about same-sex marriage. Of which, New York and Delaware have already given its blessing to gay marriage. North Carolina’s next in line to open-arms to gay & lesbian couples. My friend Sharon G. is inviting me to her wedding soon. I saw gay weddings on television before. This is the first gay wedding of my friend. Sharon’s planning to wed her roommate/girlfriend when North Carolina gives its blessing.

Sharon’s dancing right now!

Be of good faith!

The Devil hates gays & lesbians.

Go for broke!

“Such Sweet Sorrow” notes

Published December 27, 2011 by ladyserenity92

These are the notes from my ‘novel’ “Such Sweet Sorrow”.

  • My family and I left the apartment at 5AM. Momma locked the door as I helped Daddy with the luggage. It was still dark when we got outside. I helped Daddy place the luggage into the back trunk of our car. After I help my daddy close the trunk, he called us over for prayer. We held hands, closed our eyes and bowed our heads. After we said ‘amen’, we hopped in the car and drove off. We left New York state and drove down along the highway. During the ride, I listened to my MP3 player and sang along to the words of a song.
  • My parents have a car for me. I won’t get it until Christmas.
  • She said. “Are you guys in love with each other?” “No.” we said together.
  • “Were so hot the we brought the house down.” You could be a music star on American Idol,” Jordan told me.
  • As night came and Ray was home, I crept downstairs to his bedroom door. When I stepped inside, I spotted a red rose beside him on his night table. I went closer to my cousin’s bedside

That’s all the notes for now!

Good Grief! (:^__^:) It’s Pepper Mint Patty!

Go for broke!

A ‘note’ about ‘Such Sweet Sorrow’

Published June 29, 2011 by ladyserenity92

It has been 10 years since I wrote my groundbreaking novel.

As we aproach the 10th anniversary of September 11, one story that has haunted me is Such Sweet Sorrow.

It was one of my first novels to tackle mature and adult issues such as adult-child relationships, cousin-incest; sexual awakening and longing. Many of the taboo subject matters that Butterfly and Ray face during the summer before 9-11.

This isn’t a story about the loss of innocence; it’s about a young woman’s awakening with her cousin whom she’s fallen in love with.

The lines of right and wrong are closed. There’s no love nor lust. It is a revelation of an era that was. An era that will never be the same.

The day the Twin Towers crashed on 9-11, was the day the innocence of America came to an end.

“Such Sweet Sorrow” is a bittersweet story about incestal love in an era that was destroyed forever.

I hope to get a chance to finish up the novel just in time.

Go for broke.

Such Sweet Sorrow (Chap.12)

Published November 17, 2009 by ladyserenity92

   My perfect world was coming to an end. My parents were divorcing; and now I was losing my cousin. In the sixteen years of life I had lived though the goodness and the ugliness of growing up. With the joy and pain of growing up, I had learned many lessons on what a teenage girl has to go through on the rollercoaster of adolescent life.

   When morning came, I awakened to a painful headache and puffy eyes. I had cried so much in my sleep after the fight I had with Cousin Ray. I thought about Mindy and how I blamed her for taking my cousin away from me. My Cousin Ray belong to me, and no one could take him away from me. As I rose up, I heard a gentle tap on the door. The opened and Daddy stepped inside.

“Hi, baby,” he greeted with a light smile.

“Hi, Daddy,” I answered with sadness.

Daddy came over to my bed and sat next to me. “Ray has the day off and he’s taking us to the beach. I would like for you to get ready. It’ll take your mind off the fight from last night.”

“I’m not going.”

Daddy sighed.  “I don’t want to argue with you, Butterfly. I know that you’re old enough to make your decisions, but I want you to make peace with your cousin and get over what conflict you have against him. Your cousin’s getting married next summer and he wants to tell you that he’s sorry for hurting you. I want you to apologize to him for your part in the conflict.  Ray loves you and deep down in your heart you love him, too. Just apologize to Ray and make peace with him. . When you’re ready to apologize to cousin, I’ll be downstairs waiting on you.”

   Daddy gave me a side hug and left me alone. After Daddy left, I started to reflect on what I had done. I knew down in my heart that I had to apologize to Ray. I got out of bed and got ready for the beach. I took a shower and put on my mermaid-pink swimsuit and sunscreen. For the last touch, I tied my brown hair back into a ponytail. I went downstairs and found Ray in the kitchen, having coffee and reading the newspaper. I looked at my cousin as he glanced my way. I took a moment on what to say to him. I found the words in my heart.

I came over to my cousin and faced him. “I’m sorry,” I said.

 Cousin Ray stood up and embraced me. “I forgive you too, honey,” he said.

   Later on, I joined my family downstairs in the den. Cousin Ray stepped in the front doorway. “I’m sorry, everyone,” he announced to us, “my car is too small and it can’t fit everyone inside. I have to go to the car rental dealership to rent a van. It’ll take an hour to get the van ready; please bear with me.” Jordan groaned at the news.

‘I’ll go with you, Ray.” Daddy volunteered, “I know a lot about cars and vans.”

   Cousin Ray ended up taking Daddy with him to the car rental dealership while we kids stayed with Miss Carla back at the house. To ease the time, Miss Carla entertained us with stories and songs. Miss Carla gave us lemonade to drink. An hour later, Cousin Ray and Daddy came back with the van. “I’ve got the van,” Cousin Ray called, “let’s rock!” We cheered as we raced out the door and hopped into the van. We waved goodbye to Miss Carla as we drove away.

Along the way, Cousin Ray made a u-turn up the road that lead to an apartment building. Cousin Ray drove up to the building and parked the van in the parking lot. Turning his head to me, he said, “Butterfly, I want you to go to the intercom box and press the button to apartment 315. Just ask for Mindy.”

I was in disbelief. “Mindy’s—“

“Yes, she’s coming with us. Now move along.”

I unfastened my seatbelt and slid open the van door. I stepped outside and walked over to the front door. When I approached the door, I saw the intercom box. The box had buttons and the apartment numbers of the people who lived in the building. I scanned for apartment number 315. I found the number and Mindy’s name and pressed the button. The button made an electric buzzing sound

“Yes?” a female voice answered over the intercom.

“Is Mindy here?” I replied. “My Cousin Ray’s come to take her to the beach.”

“Hang on a minute. I’ll tell her that you’re here.”

As I waited, I studied my time tables in my head. I almost made it to 8×14 when I saw Mindy through the glass frame of the door. Mindy opened the door and appeared in front of me. Mindy wore a blue swimsuit with a scarf wrapped around her waist. She wore opened-toe sandals and carried a big picnic basket. Sticking out her arm to me, she spoke in a British accent, “Your grace, take me to your carriage.” I locked my arm with hers and walked her over to the van. As we stepped inside the van, Ray examined Mindy from head to toe and couldn’t help but blush at her beauty.

“Hi, Mindy,” Ray spoke. “You look as lovely as a rose in a garden.

Mindy scoffed. “Honey, I’m twenty-eight years old. I’m more beautiful than any flower in a garden of weeds.” We buckled our seatbelts as Cousin Ray started the car.


   During the ride to the beach, Mindy held a conversation with us.  Mindy was getting along with my family. T.R. and Jordan asked Mindy how our cousin proposed to her. Mindy told them that she and Cousin Ray were at a mini-golf course with some co-workers. After the game was over, Cousin Ray ordered some nachos to split with her. Eating the nachos, Mindy bit something hard.  Mindy spat into her napkin and saw that it was a sapphire ring. And the rest was history. We laughed in unison at the story. I began to like Mindy for her spirit. Mindy was the right choice for my cousin to have as a wife. I got a chance to talk to Mindy and found out that she wasn’t the mean person I thought she was. My jealousy was fading away from my heart.

Mindy watched me from the corner of her eye and knew what was happening to me. “Thank you for being kind to me, Butterfly,” she said. “I’m happy that you have finally accepted me into your family.” I was happy to get to know Mindy. For the rest of the trip, I felt happy.


   Out of my window, I saw the beach. With the ocean and the waves crashing along the shoreline, it was like seeing a 3-D picture coming to life. Cousin Ray drove into the parking lot to park the van.  When Cousin Ray finally found a parking space, Mindy and my family were glad with relief. After my cousin parked the van, I leaped out of the van and raced with T.R. and Jordan to the ocean. We took our time walking to the ocean since the sandbank was too hot for us to run. I raced my brother and sister to the ocean, shouting, “Last one’s in a skunk in a bunk!”  . I drove into the water head first into the water as T.R. and Jordan jumped in after me. In the water, I saw Mindy, Daddy and Cousin Ray setting up a spot on the shore.

  As Mindy placed her picnic basket down on the blanket, Cousin Ray picked her up in his arms and started carrying her toward the ocean. Mindy fought my cousin, struggling. “Let me go, you dim-dim!” she demanded. Cousin Ray got into the water, with Mindy still in his arms.

Mindy cried, “Ray, Don’t!”

Cousin Ray smiled. “Goodbye, Mindy.”

In a split second, my cousin threw his fiancée into the water. Mindy leaped up out of the water like a daffodil in the springtime. Before she could chew my cousin out, a juggernaut ocean wave hit her from behind and knocked her back into the water. Mindy got up again to see Cousin Ray laughing at her.

“You jerk,” Mindy shouted, “I’ll get you for that!”

   Mindy tried to push Cousin Ray in the water. With a quick mind, Cousin Ray grabbed Mindy’s arm and fell into the water with him. Cousin Ray and Mindy jumped out of the water and laughed together. T.R. and Jordan laughed at the scene. I laughed with them. I took a glance at Cousin Ray and Mindy. I saw Mindy kiss my cousin on his left ear and whispering sweet overtures into it. I remember whispering into Cousin Ray’s left ear and kissing it. It was the same ear that my cousin was deaf in.

   When he was a boy, Ray was with some friends on a school field trip on the beach.  In the middle of a conversation with his friends, he saw a girl drowning in the ocean. Ray dove in and rescued the girl. Ray saved the girl; two days later, he caught a cold and suffered an ear infection that caused him to lose his hearing in his left ear. Instead of feeling sorry for being half-deaf, Ray developed a ‘trick’ that he often uses to this day.

   When someone whispers into his left ear, Cousin Ray feels the vibration that is felt within the tone. With a pen and paper, he writes down what was said to him and answers the reply right back.  Cousin Ray was thirteen when he started the trick. He has done it for 16 years.  Cousin Ray only told a few close people about his secret. Before the announcement, I whispered into my cousin’s left ear, “Ray Quidame, I’ll love you ‘til the day I die. Now and forever.”

And my cousin would think of what to say to me. He took his time to give his reply. Cousin Ray found it. He leaned forward to my ear and gave me an ear kiss that made my heart melt.

“Now we’re even,” was his reply.

The ‘forever’ that I hoped for would never come true.

   Later on in the day, it was time to eat. Mindy’s basket was stuffed with food that she made herself. Mindy was an Iron Chef. There were sandwiches, rice balls, pickles; devilled eggs, donuts, peach cobbler, lemonade and iced tea. It was a smorgasbord of cold food for a hot summer day.

“I took up cooking lessons at the community college,” Mindy confessed. “I remember having to make lunch for my class. The best part of getting married is that I get to try my cooking skills on my man and my family on the holidays. Well, don’t just stare at my food, let’s eat!”

  We did what Mindy told us and ate to our heart’s content. At first I wouldn’t like the food Mindy made. After a few bites, I was eating like a queen. After the cold lunch, we went for a walk along the shore. On our walk, we saw seashells that were pretty as jewels. Daddy told us that we could pick up a few to take home with us. I noticed a hermit crab crawling out of its shell. The shell was white with purple spots on it. I bent down to the hermit crab and told it, “I know you don’t mind me taking your old home away from you. I hope that your new home will be nicer than this one was. Thank you.”

  I have a habit of talking to animals. When I was a kid, I met a Buddhist monk at a Buddhist temple. I was with a tour group, doing a report on Buddhism. The monk told me that every living animal has a living spirit within them. I was haunted by the monk’s words. Over the years, I became a vegetarian. After the summer ended, I became a full-fledged vegetarian. I can eat whatever I want as long as it doesn’t have a soul. In my opinion, killing animals for food or sport is wrong. I still miss meat, but my family has gotten used to me not eating meat with them.

  On our way, we stopped at a photo booth. We decided to take pictures in the booth. At first Cousin Ray declined to have his picture taken.

“Ray-Gun, please don’t do this to us,” Mindy pleaded, “just do this for me. And please smile.”

Cousin Ray gave in and went through with it.

  The pictures cost a dollar for four takes. I took a picture with T.R. and Jordan first. The grown-ups were second. Then we split up in groups. I took a photo with Daddy, T.R. and Jordan, and Cousin Ray taking a picture with Mindy; it went on like this until everyone had their picture taken. On the last picture, we had to cram into the photo booth. We smiled as our pictures were being taken. After the photos, we went to the Seven-Eleven and brought some sodas and two beers for Mindy and Daddy. Cousin Ray rarely drinks alcoholic beverages, except on special occasions. The last time my cousin drank was at a tavern in Charleston. My cousin remembered the time his was drunk and got into a fight with another man for bullying him and his friends. Cousin Ray got sick and threw up in the tavern.

My cousin has drunk in moderation ever since.

  The sun was setting and we were all feeling sleepy. Cousin Ray decided that it was time for us to go home. We got into the van and drove back home. During the trip home, I looked at the pictures of my family and myself. One of the pictures that made me look over was that of Cousin Ray and Mindy. Mindy and Cousin Ray were just being like any ordinary couple in love. On the last photo, Cousin Ray was giving Mindy a kiss on her cheek.

  I remembered back on what my cousin said about being free to kiss any woman in the world and not having to marry her like people had back in 14th century Italy. But this wasn’t 14th century Italy, this was 21st century America. My cousin was kissing a woman he was going to marry and there was nothing I could do to stop it from happening or change his mind.

  Cousin Ray drove Mindy back to her apartment. Cousin Ray got out of the van and opened the door for Mindy. Mindy got out as Cousin Ray walked her to the front door. Out the window, I saw them talking and laughing.

‘I had a great time, Ray-Gun,” Mindy said kindly.

Cousin Ray was reddening when he talked.

“Anytime, my dear,” was my cousin’s reply.

“I can’t believe that we’re getting married next summer and moving to Atlanta in the autumn. A new life together; we’re so young.”

Cousin Ray sighed deeply. “I know. I’ve known you for years, Mindy. You were my best friend, and now you’re going to be my wife. I never planned to fall in love with you. What do you think our marriage with come out of?”

Mindy took a brief moment to speak.

“I’m not sure if they’ll be time for a family where we’re going. We’ll be so busy with our new jobs and all; I’m not sure having a baby would be possible. We’re young and the long hours at work. I’m just not ready to be a mother just yet.”

“We’ll just put off having a family for a year and just focus on our careers. You don’t have to worry, my honey.”

“Bullcrap! I’ve heard that same phrase from many guys thousands of time.”

   Cousin Ray swept Mindy off her feet and into his arms. Cousin Ray placed Mindy’s back against the door, dipped her just a midway and kissed her. Mindy embraced Cousin Ray and gave in to the rapture. After the kiss, Mindy told Cousin Ray goodnight. She gave him one last kiss before going inside. Cousin Ray said goodnight as Mindy went inside for the night.

   Cousin Ray smiled as he walked back to the van. I saw the glow upon his face. It was the glow of love. As Cousin Ray got inside, he glanced at me.

“I can’t help that I love her more than you,” he told me. “Butterfly, I’ll always love you as my dear sweet cousin. You’ll always be my cousin. I’ll wait the day when I’ll see you and your family at the wedding.”

“Yes,” I answered. “Next summer—-“

“July 4th.”

“Your birthday, why?”

“No reason. Just a day I love so much ever since I came to America. Next year I’ll become a US citizen. I’ve just began to experience life, now I’ve going to live it to the fullest. I’ve been studying to get my citizenship for so many years now. Now it’s going to happen. I’m a man of two worlds; Canada and America.”

I fell asleep after Cousin Ray spoke to me. It was that Daddy woke me up that we were back at the house. Still sleepy, I struggled to walk inside. Inside, I went upstairs to bed. I opened the door to my bedroom and stepped inside. I focused my eyes on an envelope on my bed. Miss Carla somehow had somehow went into my room and placed the envelope on my bed. There was a sticky note on the envelope from Miss Carla:

Your friend Anna came by today. I told her that you were at the beach with your family. She seemed very sad when she gave me the note. Her eyes were red and she sounded very tried. I asked her what was the matter was; she just told me to give you this note. It isn’t like Anna to be sad like this since she met you. I don’t know what’s happened to her. Please read this letter in the morning.

Miss Carla

  I peeled the sticky note off the envelope. Written on the front of the envelope was: To Butterfly Taylor, From Anna Knight.

  A dark cloud was creeping around me as I held Anna’s letter. I turned on the light as I ripped opened the envelope and pulled out the letter. I begin reading Anna’s letter.

To be continued/Stay Tuned!

Such Sweet Sorrow(chap.10)

Published October 25, 2009 by ladyserenity92

For the rest of the morning Anna hung around. The reason for this was Anna’s brother was at work and wouldn’t be home until late in the evening. The divorce was heavy on my mind and the minds of my brother and sister. Jordan couldn’t watch cartoons, and T.R. played with Potato and Smokie to ease her mind. We were in our own world of childhood.

Saturday to me was one of the most boring days that the weekend offered. The four of us sat on the porch until noon. We heard the front door open and close. We stopped what we were doing and saw Cousin Ray.

Cousin Ray told us, “I know a secret place we can go to.”

We studied Cousin Ray, believing that he was pulling our leg. Cousin Ray read our minds by the looks on our faces.

“It isn’t anything weird or inappropriate,” he continued, “It’s just a place that I always come to when I’m down. I shared this place with no one; now I’m sharing it with you kids. What do you say?” We wanted to see the secret place Cousin Ray was talking about. Without a second thought, we decided to go with Cousin Ray to his secret place.

     It took us three blocks to get to the secret place. Before we left, Cousin Ray made T.R. leave her pocket phone behind. We were sad that Potato and Smokie couldn’t come along with us, but they understood.

   When we got to the secret place, it was like a Southern castle. The castle was really a mansion that was abandoned many years ago. The mansion had a white picket fence all around the yard. Opening the gate, Cousin Ray showed us the front porch. The front porch had a porch swing.  In the backyard was a magnolia tree with a swing on its branch. To the left of the yard was a peach tree with real peaches that were the size of snow globes.

   Inside the mansion was a love seat, a couch and a working harpsichord that still worked, in spite of the fact that it was old. Above our heads was a crystal chandelier. The five of us explored the mansion from the staircase, to the bedroom; everywhere we wanted to see. Cousin Ray looked at us and asked, “So, what do you think about my secret place?”

Anna looked at Cousin Ray and smiled. She answered,” It’s remarkable!”


    All afternoon, we had a party. We took turns on the tree swing, reaching for the magnolia flower that was on the branch. On the porch swing, as the swing swayed, it gave way and broke. We laughed at what happened. Next, Cousin Ray showed us how to make flower wreaths to go upon our heads. Cousin Ray told T.R., Anna and me that if we placed the wreaths under our pillow at night and sleep on the pillow, would have dreams of our future husbands.

“I want to have a doctor for a husband, just like my daddy.” T.R. announced, placing the wreath on her head.

“Yeah. A gynecologist who’s a skirt chaser.” Anna joked lightheartedly.

We laughed at Anna’s joke. I scoffed.

“Well, my husband (or wife) will be whatever they want to be, as long as they can cook and clean when I come home from work.”

Cousin Ray was stunned. “Wife, Butterfly?”

   Jordan placed his wreath on the ground. “When I grow up, I’m never getting married and having kids.” Jordan turned to Anna and asked her, “What will your husband be, Anna?” With the wreath on her head, Anna replied,” Whatever he will be.” Outside, the five of us did a Maypole dance under the magnolia tree(either though it was July.) As the day winded down, we went over to the peach tree and took ten peaches off the branch to snack on.

    Inside the mansion, Cousin Ray played his guitar and I played the harpsichord. As the music played, I sang ‘Such Sweet Sorrow.’ As I sang, fresh tears came into my eyes. I thought about being seven years old and Cousin Ray singing me that song. After the song ended, we heard Anna crying. I saw her hiding her face in her hands, sobbing. I noticed a digital tape recorder next to her. I went over to Anna, just as T.R. and Jordan comforted her. I scooted down and placed my hand on Anna’s shoulder.

“Anna,” I began, “I know it’s a sad song. You have a right to cry, Sweetie.”

Anna dried her eyes and gazed up at me. “It’s not that the song is sad,” she explained. “It’s just that I’m happy. It was such a beautiful song. Could I trouble you with a request?” Anna was looking at Cousin Ray when she asked.

“Whatever you want, sweetheart.” was Cousin Ray’s reply.

“Could you play ‘Never my love’ and this time may I sing and T.R. play the harpsichord? Just this once?”

    I saw the digital recorder beside Anna and thought about the ‘request’. Back then, I didn’t understand Anna’s request. After she left, I finally knew the truth of her request.

Cousin Ray studied Anna’s face and came to a decision.

“Request granted”, Cousin Ray smiled.

   I let T.R. take my place on the chair in front of the harpsichord. T.R. was a wiz on the piano at our family’s apartment. Although I play both the guitar and the piano combined, it was nothing compared to my little sister’s key work. Anna stood up to join my sister and Cousin Ray. Anna stood next to T.R. and held the device in her hand like a microphone. T.R. and Cousin Ray began the music, as Anna stared to sing:

You ask me if there’ll come a time,

when I’ll grow tried of you.

Never my love

Never my love

What would you think,

When I ask you to spend your whole life with me?

   Anna’s sweet voice blended in with the music. Anna never told me that she could sing like an angel. At the closing of the song, Anna gave one of the sweetest notes in her voice. After the song ended, we applaud. “That was a great song, Anna.” Cousin Ray complemented. “Thank you, Mr. Ray,” Anna whispered.

Before we went home, we took the rest of the peaches from the peach tree for the road. As we walked home, T.R. spoked to Anna. “I think you have a nice voice, Miss Anna. I think you should be a movie star.”

“A movie star?” Anna began.

“Or better yet, you could be on YouTube. I love your voice.”

“And I love your playing. I wish I could learn how to play by ear like you do.”

Anna and T.R. kept chatting until we went our separate ways. T.R. looked at me and told me that Anna was the nicest girls that she ever met. “I love Anna Knight,” my sister said, “I’m so glad that she’s our friend. Inside Cousin Ray’s house, I thought about Anna. Anna was indeed a sweet person that ever came into our lives. I couldn’t imagine my life without Anna. “I love Anna, too,” I told my sister. Miss Carla and Daddy saw the peaches we had. Miss Carla took them and made peach cobbler out of them.

To Be continued/Stay Tuned

About ‘Such Sweet Sorrow’

Published September 17, 2009 by ladyserenity92

I started writing Such Sweet Sorrow back in 2004. I’ve written many drafts and even sent one to be copyrighted. Today, I owe the copyright. I hate to tell the (fans of my e-novel); although it is a very moving story, after I finish up with the novel, I don’t have plans to do a sequel.

What I do know is that this will be Butterfly’s only book. I may work on The Taylor Children  novels about T.R. and Jordan. And I might do a piece about Ray called Ray’s Diary. I don’t know how Butterfly’s story will end. Like good fans, you just have to keep reading to see how the story ends.

After I finish up Such Sweet Sorrow, I’ll take a three week break and write another story. I don’t know what type of story I’ll be working on. I’ll keep you posted.

Stay Tuned!

What’s happening to me today

Published April 20, 2009 by ladyserenity92

I’m in the middle of reading Margret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale. I’ve read it once, but haven’t finished it. I’m just now reading it a second time. The book is like a feminine version of George Orwell’s 1984. It’s racy, yet truthful about what’s happening in Saudi Arabia and all over the world to women and to men. Atwood’s book should be read by both men and women.

There is a movie about the novel; I’m not sure if I want to see it. Do you think  Ms. Atwood has seen the movie?

I’m have some sad news to rap to my fans, Such Sweet Sorrow has been put on hold. This is because my laptop has a virus in the hard-drive and won’t be used for awhile. In the meantime, it hasn’t stopped me from writing a new chapter for it. It will be on the page in a few days.

I saw Cowboy Bebop on DVD. I can’t wait to see the live action movie. I don’t know when the movie will be released. Please tell me. Thanks a bunch.

I want to see Boys Before Flowers so bad, that I am going bananas. I don’t care that there will be no more Boys Before Flowers episodes, I’ll still be talking about the show. South Koreans have loads of the show’s reruns! 🙂

Sorry it took me so long to post this. I’ve been very busy lately and my computer was sick; plus, I couldn’t go to the library just for the Internet. Thanks for understanding me. I make a bow of forgiveness.

Stayed Tuned!

Such Sweet Sorrow(Updated Version) Chap. 1

Published March 6, 2009 by ladyserenity92

This is the final updated version of my failed novel. As you can see it has been reedited and rewritten. This may be the last time my novel will be posted. Please enjoy.

I turned seventeen two months before graduation. Two months later, my school graduation came. Graduation for me was a time to say goodbye to my school girl days and head out into the adult world that was life.

As my name was called to receive my diploma, I stood up and waved to my family. It was a bittersweet moment because I was receiving an art scholarship for an art school in Europe. The bittersweet part of it was that my beloved cousin wasn’t here to see me on the stage making my dream come true.


After the graduation, most of my friends went over to the pizza parlor to celebrate making it. I sat on the school bench, thinking about my cousin. My cousin was one in a million; a rare gem in a rock mime. In the middle of my thought, I heard a girl singing on a boom box. The voice was sweet mixed with a little sadness. Then I came to realize that the girl singing on the boom box was me.

As my song was playing, I thought about my cousin and the summer of last year. I also thought about Anna; a girl who no longer had a future in this world. My cousin and Anna were  two of many people who touched my life. I often think about them all the time. I thought about Anna’s brother Vladimir.  Vladimir, Ray and me finding Anna up in the attic of our secret place. Although I don’t get to see Vladimir or my cousin, or can’t afford to, I often send letters and visit their blogs and Facebook pages just to keep in touch. Twice a week, we always talk on the phone.  It is like as my cousin and Vladimir are there with me. And I could hear Anna promising me, ‘When I get to Hollywood, I’ll save you and your family a seat at the Oscar.’

 In the sixteen years of my life, I have been taught about the lessons about love, friendship, and life. And those lessons haunt me to this day.


It was the spring of 1999 that I first met my cousin Ray Quidame. I was seven years old and had just come home from school. As I entered the apartment, I noticed a pair of suitcases and a guitar by the couch.  I was enchanted by the guitar, when I heard sounds of laughter from the kitchen. The laughter was that of my parents; but there was another laughter that was so musical that it blended with the laughter of my parents.

I strolled into the kitchen and was surprised by the guest sandwiched between my parents at the table. The guest was a White man in a gray suit. He wore glasses and had clean-cut hair that was the color of Pepsi cola. His eyes were angelic blue that made you weak in the knees when you looked into them. He was so lovely like a prince in the fairy tale books that I read. When the stranger glanced his blue eyes my way, I was caught in his enchantment. Momma looked at me, then at the stranger. Momma spoke for me since I was too speechless to speak.

   “Ray, this is my little girl, Sheila. But we call her ‘Butterfly’.” Momma told him. Turning her gaze toward me, Momma introduced me to the stranger.

“Butterfly, this is your cousin, Ray. He’s visiting us for the weekend. Say hello, baby.”

“Hi,” I spoke shyly.

 Cousin Ray inspected me from my brown hair to my red Mary Janes. Cousin Ray took a notice at my birthmark on the left side of my face. Cousin Ray traced my birthmark with his thumb.

“It’s almost like touching a catapillar,” he told me. When people talk to me, the first thing they notice is my birthmark that is on my face. They always tell me that it looks excalty like a catapillar crawling on my face. To this day, people always call me ‘Butterfly’.

“Hello, my honey,” Ray finally spoke. When Cousin Ray said hello, he spoke in a rich, not too deep tone of voice. It was so perfectly pitched that I thought that he was a singer in disguised.

I leaned later from my daddy that Cousin Ray once lived in Canada as a boy and moved to New York at seventeen to study law and become a lawyer. Cousin Ray and I looked at each other, hoping of what to say. But I knew what was in my heart to say. I saw it in my cousin’s eyes as well.

   That night Daddy ordered take-out from an Indian restaurant that was a favorite of ours. Momma was eating slowly since she was pregnant with my sister T.R. In the middle of dinner, Cousin Ray asked my parents if he could play his guitar for us after dinner. Momma told Ray that she didn’t mind him playing.

  After dinner was over, Cousin Ray played his guitar and sang. Both sides now, Yellow Taxi, Dominique; Norwegian Wood, Puff the magic dragon. His voice was so wonderful that I begged for him to play anther song. But Daddy said song or no song; it was past my bed time.

“Come on, Walter, it’s Friday night. Let her stay up just a little longer,” Cousin Ray egged.

“Three songs, then right to bed.” Daddy bargained.

“Deal.” said Ray.

Ray singed My love and The Rose. The last song he played was a song he wrote back in middle school in Canada. He dedicated the song to me, then began to play his guitar and sang:

After the times that we spent together for so long, I decided that I must leave you.

I believe that in order to be free, I have decided that we should be apart.

I love you, but sometimes love has to die like a dying rose.

Though I try to forget about our love, your face is always in my heart.

In my dreams, I’m holding you, when I’m awakened; I realize that you are no longer mine.

Parting is such sweet sorrow that I no longer love you.

Everyday is painful of not being with you, my dear.

I have no sun without you, and your sweet voice are just echoes.

I cry everyday because you’re not with me.

I long to be with you, but it can’t be fulfilled.

I have to realize the sad truth.

Parting is such sweet sorrow that I no longer love you.

As Ray played on, I felt like crying. The last lines Cousin Ray sang broke my heart:

If you see me, please remember our lives together, and remember us.

It’s such sweet sorrow that our love has to end.

   After Cousin Ray finished the song, I wept. Momma held me as she rocked me in her arms. I never cry at most songs, but Cousin Ray’s song was that one song that moved me to tears. After I finished crying, Daddy put me to bed.


    As Daddy tucked me in, I asked him, “Why did Ray sing me that song?” Daddy sat down by my side as I sat up to hear him speak. Daddy took a moment to answer my question.

  “Ray wrote the song for a girl he was in love with back in middle school. Ray was fifteen and the girl was thirteen. They were best friends back in elementary school. Ray was in love with her. One day before spring break, Ray and the girl were sitting under the cherry tree in the school yard. Ray told the girl that he loved her and asked for her to be his wife when they met again as adults in seven years. She would be twenty and Ray would be twenty-two.


  “The girl knew that they were just kids and that she had a whole life ahead of her and she was just too young to get engaged and be married. She declined your cousin’s proposal and wouldn’t even take the gold necklace he’d found for her. It was the best decision that she made to turn down the proposal. Many years later, she became a model and a movie star. They met once in Paris, and then she was gone off to Italy to do a photo shoot. Ray never saw her again. To this day, he still plays the song about the girl he lost as a child. It was the same song that he played for the girl.”

“And Cousin Ray played it for me,” I said. “But why?”

“It’s because you remind me of her.” a voice spoke. I saw Cousin Ray standing under the doorway of my room.

“Alright, time for bed, Bright Eyes,” Daddy said, “you’ll see Ray in the morning.

Daddy gave me a peck on the forehead and clapped off the lights. I told Daddy and Ray goodnight as they left my room. In the darken room, I sang Ray’s song to myself as I drifted off to sleep.


   The next day Cousin Ray asked me out on a play date. Cousin Ray was taking me to Central Park and the zoo.  I wanted to stay home and watch cartoons, but Momma and Daddy made me go with Ray on the ‘play date’.


    The first place Ray took me was Central Park. We walked around the park, rode the carousel and visited the zoo. At the zoo, animals were pairing up and ‘going crazy’. (I finally found out that they were making out.) After the zoo, Cousin Ray took me to a hot dog stand to eat. After the hot dogs, we went to Dylan’s Candy Bar and brought some candy. 


Before we went home, Cousin Ray and I stopped at a photograph shop. Cousin Ray doesn’t like to have his picture taken, but he wanted to do this just for me. Cousin Ray paid the photographer and led me to the bench in front of the camera. Cousin Ray held my hand my hand as I placed my head on his shoulder.

“Is this your daughter?” the photographer asked Ray.

“My cousin,” Ray corrected.

Before taking our picture, the photographer told us to smile. Cousin Ray and I smiled as the lady pressed off the shutter button.

   When we got home, Momma greeted us. “How was the play date?” she asked.

“It was a blast,” I told her.

“Oh, was it.” 

“Butterfly was an absolute angel, Phyllis.” Cousin Ray replied. “She was so good, that people thought she was my daughter. I wish she was; I could just take her home with me.”

“Oh, no! Don’t do that,” Daddy said, “Then Butterfly wouldn’t see her little sister.” The adults laughed at the joke.


 The next day it rained. The downpour was so hard that I thought that the earth would flood over. I spotted a large, white envelope, a bouquet of daisies and a card on my desk. I hopped out of bed and dashed over to my desk. I picked the card off my desk. The card was a Victorian styled picture of a dog on a train, waving goodbye to a cat outside.

I opened the card and read the words my cousin wrote:


I’m sorry that I couldn’t say goodbye to you in person, so I have to say it in this card. I’m so happy that I got to meet you and spend some time with you. I am saddened that I may never meet you again. My dearest cousin, I have seen the art work you have creative by your own hands. I didn’t know that you were an artist. I’m an artist myself. I’m not only an artist, but I also write in my spare time. We both have a calling to become artist; when I do my craft, I’ll think of you. I have to go. Please take these three gifts as a token of my love. I hope to see you again someday. Please take care of yourself, your parents and your unborn sister when she comes into this world.

Your Beloved Cousin,

Raymond Quidame

   I opened the envelope and pulled out the frame that had the photo of my cousin and me inside the glass cover. When I saw Cousin Ray’s smile, it melt my heart. I kiss the frame and embraced it to my heart. I cried because I never got to say thank you to my cousin. I thought about Cousin Ray as my tears fell onto the frame.

To be continued/Stayed tuned


Saturday’s Scoop!

Published January 10, 2009 by ladyserenity92

Happy Saturday, everybody! I just finished up on reading George Orwell’s 1984 and it blew me away with its ending. I felt sorry for Winston after I read the last page. If you want to know about Winston’s fate, then please read 1984 by George Orwell. It will shock you at the end.

My rating on 1984: A

I hope you guys liked the first chapter of my consealvertal novel Such Sweet Sorrow.  It took me over 5 years to complete it. I will be posting up to ten chapters every Friday until the last post of the story. I hope you’ll love my charters Butterfly and Ray as they discover their hidden and taboo love for each other.

Stayed Tuned!

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