Such sweet sorrow

All posts in the Such sweet sorrow category

Red Rubber Ball(Lyrics & Video)

Published December 9, 2013 by ladyserenity92


I should have known you’d bid me farewell
There’s a lesson to be learned from this and I learned it very well
Now, I know you’re not the only starfish in the sea
If I never hear your name again, it’s all the same to me

And I think it’s gonna be alright
Yeah, the worst is over now
The mornin’ sun is shinin’ like a red rubber ball

You never care for secrets I confide
For you, I’m just an ornament, somethin’ for your pride
Always runnin’, never carin’, that’s the life you live
Stolen minutes of your time were all you had to give

And I think it’s gonna be alright
Yeah, the worst is over now
The mornin’ sun is shinin’ like a red rubber ball

The story’s in the past with nothin’ to recall
I’ve got my life to live and I don’t need you at all
The roller-coaster ride we took is nearly at an end
I bought my ticket with my tears, that’s all I’m gonna spend

And I think it’s gonna be alright
Yeah, the worst is over now
The mornin’ sun is shinin’ like a red rubber ball

Oh, I think it’s gonna be alright
Yeah, the worst is over now
The mornin’ sun is shinin’ like a red rubber ball

“Such Sweet Sorrow” notes

Published December 27, 2011 by ladyserenity92

These are the notes from my ‘novel’ “Such Sweet Sorrow”.

  • My family and I left the apartment at 5AM. Momma locked the door as I helped Daddy with the luggage. It was still dark when we got outside. I helped Daddy place the luggage into the back trunk of our car. After I help my daddy close the trunk, he called us over for prayer. We held hands, closed our eyes and bowed our heads. After we said ‘amen’, we hopped in the car and drove off. We left New York state and drove down along the highway. During the ride, I listened to my MP3 player and sang along to the words of a song.
  • My parents have a car for me. I won’t get it until Christmas.
  • She said. “Are you guys in love with each other?” “No.” we said together.
  • “Were so hot the we brought the house down.” You could be a music star on American Idol,” Jordan told me.
  • As night came and Ray was home, I crept downstairs to his bedroom door. When I stepped inside, I spotted a red rose beside him on his night table. I went closer to my cousin’s bedside

That’s all the notes for now!

Good Grief! (:^__^:) It’s Pepper Mint Patty!

Go for broke!

A ‘note’ about ‘Such Sweet Sorrow’

Published June 29, 2011 by ladyserenity92

It has been 10 years since I wrote my groundbreaking novel.

As we aproach the 10th anniversary of September 11, one story that has haunted me is Such Sweet Sorrow.

It was one of my first novels to tackle mature and adult issues such as adult-child relationships, cousin-incest; sexual awakening and longing. Many of the taboo subject matters that Butterfly and Ray face during the summer before 9-11.

This isn’t a story about the loss of innocence; it’s about a young woman’s awakening with her cousin whom she’s fallen in love with.

The lines of right and wrong are closed. There’s no love nor lust. It is a revelation of an era that was. An era that will never be the same.

The day the Twin Towers crashed on 9-11, was the day the innocence of America came to an end.

“Such Sweet Sorrow” is a bittersweet story about incestal love in an era that was destroyed forever.

I hope to get a chance to finish up the novel just in time.

Go for broke.

Such Sweet Sorrow (chap.14)

Published December 26, 2009 by ladyserenity92

After a brief hiatus, Such Sweet Sorrow returns. The countdown to the series finale now begins. Enjoy the countdown to the final chapter.

My family was morning the lost of Anna. T.R. and Jordan took it very hard over losing Anna. They turned to me and asked a lot of questions on why Anna killed herself and would she go to Hell for what she done. I was too upset to say anything to my brother and sister. I got up from the couch and went over to Vladimir’s place to have a talk with him.

I came to Vladimir’s door and rang the doorbell. The door open and Vladimir fixed his eyes on me.

“I’m sorry, I can’t have company,” he told me. “I’ll come over to your cousin’s house and give you, your brother and your sister Anna’s things.”

“I just wanted to talk to you,” I answered.

“Butterfly, you were a good friend to my sister. I thank you so much for loving her; I just don’t see it in the best time for me to talk to you. I’m not trying to be mean-hearted; now is a bad time to talk to me. I have to plan for Anna’s funereal and tell my parents the news about Anna’s death. I’ll bring the boxes to Mr. Raymond’s house. I think you should join your family. They need you now to get through the loss of  my sister.”

Before I could say anything, Vladimir shut the door. I walked back to my cousin’s house and to the front step. Halfway to the porch, I felt a raindrop on my cheek. Soon more raindrops came pouring down. I looked up into the sky and let myself get soak in the rain. When I was a little girl, my nana always told me that when someone has died and it starts to rain, God and his angels cry because they are happy that someone has come to Heaven to join them; and sad because the person’s life has come to an end on Earth.

Cousin Ray came outside in the rain to bring me inside. “Butterfly, you must come inside! You’ll get sick if you stay out in this rain.”

I saw my cousin and felt tears running down my face.

“It isn’t fair,” I told him. “She was my friend! I just don’t understand why she killed herself when everybody loved her. I hate Anna for what she did. It just doesn’t make any sense, Ray! It isn’t fair.”

Cousin Ray held me in his arms and held me close to his chest. “I know it isn’t, honey,” he whispered. Cousin Ray let me cry in the pouring rain until I was through. Soaked from the rain, we went back inside the house.

Back inside, Miss Carla made Cousin Ray and me take hot baths and change into a pair of dry clothes. After the hot baths and change of clothes, Miss Carla grabbed both our clothes from both bathrooms and threw them into the dryer. To prevent us from catching summer colds, Miss Carla gave both of us each a mug full of hot chicken noodle soup. I didn’t have much of an appetite, so I sat my mug down. I heard a few raps on the front door as Miss Carla breezed out of the kitchen to answer it. Miss Carla opened the door. It was Vladimir with the boxes of Anna’s things. Vladimir came inside and saw Cousin Ray and me as he sat the boxes down on the floor in the corner.

I stood up as Vladimir went over to me. Vladimir faced me and began to speak. “I came over here to say goodbye,” he told me softly. “After my parents return, I’m leaving Orangeburg. There’s nothing here that can make me stay, so I’m leaving.”

Cousin Ray spoke up,” where will you go? You’re so young and your parents need you. There are some things that can make you stay.”

“There isn’t much for me here, Ray! I have to go. I have to tell my parents that I’m leaving and never coming back. I don’t want to share the same fate as my sister. This is goodbye.”

Turning back to me, he said, “I know that I was hard on you the first time I meet you. You brought my sister so much happiness in her short life. She was indeed a butterfly. I’ll never forget you, Butterfly.” Vladimir held my face on kissed my birthmark. Without looking back, he walked away, opened the front door and went out into the rain. Cousin Ray and I watched Vladimir go.

It was the first (and last) time that I got to meet Vladimir. After Vladimir gave the news to his parents overseas about Anna’s death, they were heartbroken over the loss of their only daughter. Three days later, Anna was cremated and her ashes were placed in a family plot in a cemetery.

There was no funeral.

As for Vladimir, after his parents were discharged from the Army, he kept his word and left home. After leaving Orangeburg, Vladimir went to California to start a new life. There was a rumor that Vladimir got arrested for selling drugs because he was homeless and in poverty. In truth, I never knew what became of Vladimir after he left home. Cousin Ray tried to find him on the cyber line. After many empty searches, he gave up. I never heard from him again.

After Cousin Ray handed me Anna’s box, I left the den and retreated upstairs to my room. Alone in my room, I carried the box over to my bed and sat it down. I lifted the lid off the box and studied the contents inside. Inside was some books, handwritten notes; some CDs, a portable Blu-Ray player, a few DVDs, and the tape recorder that Anna used to record that day at the mansion.

I took the tape recorder out of the box and sat down on my bed. With the tape recorder in my hand, I pressed the play button, hoping to find the answer on why Anna took her life. With the tape recorder on, Anna’s voice began to speak:

Can you hear me? I hope you can. Ever since I brought this tape recorder, I always wanted to recorder my life so that the next generation can know what’s on the mind of a typical teenager. I want to say a few words to you about my life. I don’t know much about my early life; I was born in a small town called Sliver patch, New Hampshire. I went to school and met a few friends in junior high. It was at that time I met Mercy True. Mercy True was a girl that I liked so much. We often hung out together. I was ever so grateful to have her as a friend. It was a month later that Mercy moved away. I never cried so much in my life. I turned to my other friends for comfort; I don’t know what came over them, but they all turned cold toward me. I was all alone with no friends.

I started taking after school classes to ease my time. I wanted to get away from all the loneliness that was weighing me down. When I turned thirteen, my parents decided that moving to the South was the best way to get out of the city. I was heartbroken that my family had to move to another town. I thought that the South would be boring.

Moving to our new house, I saw Mr. Quidame and his housekeeper, Miss Carla. Mr. Quidame invited us into his house for hot apple cider and sugar cookies. It was a cold autumn day. Mr. Quidame spoke to me and my brother. Mr. Quidame told my parents that they will like it here in Orangeburg. ‘If you need anything, just call me,’ Mr. Quidame told them.

As Anna explained her life, I got to know things about her that she never told me. How she liked marshmallow cream with her Oreo’s; how she ran to Cousin Ray when she had a fight with Vladimir. To me, Anna had a wonderful life. If she were alive, I would had told her that she didn’t have a life yet and that she should go on living, even when things are tough.

As Anna kept speaking on the tape recorder, I felt her spirit touching my heart. I continued to listen to my dead friend’s haunting words on the tape recorder:

   I know that I may never meet you or see your face. But I want you to know that I am just like you. Although we are of a different world, I love you. If I’m gone from this world, remember that when I was alive, I was a girl who was a loving and kind spirit. I hope that you will turn out to be the best kindhearted person who ever lived. I love you. Anna Knight.

There was silence after that. I reflected back on the first day that I met Anna. How she gave me her books; the way she smiled her lovely smile. Anna was an angel that touched the life of me and my family. I’ll never forget Anna. Anna was more than my friend, she was my sister.

That night I asked T.R. and Jordan to choose a few things of Anna’s to keep and a few to burn. After choosing the things to burn, we went outside and held a memorial. My family and Miss Carla were outside for the memorial. We said a prayer and gave a few words about Anna. We laughed and cried a little; we even sang songs that Anna liked.

The moment came for the burning. Daddy brought the box that had Anna’s things inside and placed it in front of me. It was an old custom that when someone died, their cherished possessions would be burnt and be sent to the other side for the person to claim.

“Let’s get this over with,” I announced.

I reached into my handbag and pulled out a bottle of nail polish remover. I unscrewed the cap and poured the liquid onto the box. I stepped back as Cousin Ray set the box ablaze. I watched my family retreat inside as I watched the fire. Cousin Ray saw me and placed his arm around me. We stood as the fire burned, turning the box of Anna’s things into ash.

“Anna meant a lot to everyone,” Cousin Ray told me, “it was a shame that we never got to tell her that or thank her when she was alive.”

I watched the fire swallowing up the box in my cousin’s side embrace. I wept as the box turned into ashes. Cousin Ray held me in his arms and brushed away my tears with his handkerchief. After the fire died out and the ashes remained, we went back inside the house. Anna was gone, and I now I had to go on the road of life without her.

To be continued/Stay Tuned!

‘Such Sweet Sorrow’ on hiatus!

Published December 13, 2009 by ladyserenity92

For the fans of ‘Such Sweet Sorrow’ that hoped for a new chapter of the novel; I have some news to break to you, guys! After months of posting my novel, I have decided to put my novel on hiatus indefinitely. I’m sorry that there won’t be another chapter anytime soon. I’m in the middle of rapping up the novel. I’ll keep you posted!

Stay Tuned!

Such Sweet Sorrow(Chap.13)

Published November 27, 2009 by ladyserenity92

  Dear Butterfly,

The first time I met you, I knew from that you were the one that would be my one best friend forever. I thought that we would always be close like sister and grow up together. I now know the truth and came to terms that we can never be friends. Don’t think just because I can’t be your friend, doesn’t mean that I hate you; it’s just for some reason we can’t be close to each other.

It’s so unfair that I must stop being the friend that you’ve come to love. I enjoy the time that I spent with you and your family. I like you so much, my dearest Butterfly; it’s just that I can’t be your friend. Why would a poor, wretched girl like me deserve to be your friend? I don’t hate you, Butterfly. Please forgive me for cutting our friendship so short.

You have a wonderful free-spirit, and a strong-will that is unbreakable. I hope no one in this world takes away your freedom to live your life. I’m sorry for being weak, Sweetie. I wish I was like you, I wish I could have your life. When you read this letter, don’t come to visit me; I won’t be there. I’ve given you, T.R. and Jordan a few things to remember me by.

Sweet, Butterfly, I shall always remember you for your smile and your heart. I’ll never hold you in my arms again or hold your sweet angelic face. I will never again read the books in my room or greet Mr. Quidame and drink hot chocolate with him on a winter’s day. What I’ll miss is my brother’s sense of humor and my parents’ sweet kisses and hugs.

See you at the crossroads, my Butterfly. Parting is such sweet sorrow. Goodnight.

Anna Knight

Anna’s letter sent a chill through my body. The letter was creepy to the core. It wasn’t like Anna to write a letter that was frightening. Daddy stepped inside my room and  came over to my bed.

“Butterfly, it’s late,” Daddy said, “it’s time for bed.”

“Daddy, I—“ I stammered.

 Daddy took the letter from my hands. “Butterfly, please go to bed. You can tell me what’s on your mind in the morning.”

I obeyed Daddy as he went out the door with my letter. I removed my shoes, socks and clothes. I snuggled under the cover, and went to sleep. In the dawn, I was haunted by Anna’s letter.

Cousin Ray called me from upstairs. By my cousin’s tone, it was an important matter he wanted to ask me about. I finished taking a shower and was getting dressed into a pair of new clothes. I rushed downstairs to see what my cousin wanted. I got to the den and I saw Vladimir standing next to Cousin Ray and Daddy. Daddy was holding Anna’s letter in his hand. Vladimir was shaking, trying not to cry. Cousin Ray was comforting him. Cousin Ray turned to me and started to speak.

“Butterfly,” he began, “something happened to Anna. She’s gone missing.

“Missing? What do you mean?” I responded, alarmed.

Vladimir spoke up for my cousin, “my sister’s missing. I woke up this morning to go to work. I went to check up on my sister. I opened the door calling her name, thinking she was still in bed. I went inside and her bed was made up and there were boxes full of her things and a note with instructions on which boxes to give away to whom. You know Anna, so I came over to ask if you can help me find her. I mean, Anna’s a good kid. She would never run away. If I had something to do to make her run away… oh God!”

Vladimir broke down and sobbed. He got a hold of himself and continued. “Anna’s my only sister. Our parents are overseas in a war and I had been working and had been too busy to spend time with her. She has no one to turn to. I’ve been fighting with her a lot and she took it hard.”

“Don’t worry, Vladimir. I’m sure your sister will come back home.” Cousin Ray told him. “We’ll find her.”

Miss Carla gave Vladimir a glass of water as Daddy handed Cousin Ray Anna’s letter. Cousin Ray read the letter twice and began making plans to find Anna. T.R. and Jordan had a worried look posted on their faces. I sat between them on the couch.

“Don’t worry, Anna will be alright,” I told them. “She just went out somewhere to chill. She’ll be back safe and sound.” I hugged T.R. and Jordan, praying that Anna will return home.

That afternoon Cousin Ray began the search to look for Anna. Cousin Ray and Vladimir rode their bikes and search around the neighborhood. An hour went by. Cousin Ray and Vladimir returned back to the house, empty-handed.

“We looked everywhere for her,” Vladimir said, “we asked everybody if they seen her, but no one hasn’t seen her all morning.”

Cousin Ray added, “I know Anna so much. It isn’t like her to run away like this. I don’t know what would possess her to leave.”

As Anna’s disappearance started to unravel, Vladimir gave a revelation on why Anna would run away. Two years ago Anna’s parents moved to Orangeburg to get away from the city. Anna didn’t want to go with them, saying that the city had more choices to offer, and that she didn’t want to leave school. For some reason, they made Anna go with them when she had relatives that she could stay with. Ever since they moved here, Anna was unhappy and depressed. Anna often wrote poems about wanting to go into a deep sleep and never wanting to wake up.

It was in the same words of the letter that Anna had written. A chilling image flashed into my mind on where Anna was.

“We have to get to the mansion,” I cried, “I know Anna went there! We have to go!”

“Let’s go!” Cousin Ray said, rushing out the door. Vladimir and I rushed out the door behind Cousin Ray. We hopped into Cousin Ray’s car and drove like mad to the mansion. Although I was not the most religious teenager in America, I was praying to God that we would find Anna inside. Anna would be there on the front porch swing, eating a peach and smiling. Or she would be swinging on the swing on the magnolia branch.

We got to the mansion and jumped out of the car. Cousin Ray opened the front gate and went through the yard. Vladimir called, “Anna! Anna Knight!” As we walked around to the back yard, I saw the magnolia tree where the swing was. Cousin Ray went to the tree and stood dead at what he saw. Vladimir and I saw that the rope on the swing had been cut off.

“My sister might be inside,” Vladimir pointed out.

We called out Anna’s name loud as we could.

Anna! Anna! Anna Knight!

Cousin Ray broke through the back door and led us inside. We searched inside the mansion looking for Anna. I went over to the stairwell and started going slowly up the steps. “Anna?” I called softly. “Are you up there?” I went upward on the steps until I came to the top. I trotted down the hallway, until I came to the door in front of me. “Anna?” I answered once more. I placed my hand on the doorknob and gave it a half-turn. I pushed the door opened and stepped inside.

In the room there was a smell of fresh death lingering in the air. I heard the buzzing of flies feasting on a dish of the rotting feast. I looked upward and saw the body of a young girl hanging on the beam of the ceiling. The girl was in her pajamas and had her red hair cut short. Her body was facing the window that had sunlight shinning from the outside. I knew at the moment who the girl was. My heart fell all the way to the floor.

“Nooo! No! Oh, God! Anna!” I was screaming and crying, thinking  it was just a bad dream. Cousin Ray and Vladimir burst into the room where I was and were horrified at the same thing that I saw. Vladimir sobbed and cried out in vain. Cousin Ray spotted a knife on the floor that Anna used to cut the rope on the swing. Cousin Ray picked up the knife and set the chair upward. My cousin tried hard not to cry, although the tears were rolling down on his face.

Cousin Ray stood up on the chair and began cutting the rope.

To be continued/Stay Tuned!

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